The Chavs Get Sorted by the Daleks
by spider2324
Summary: The tale of the Daleks mission to exterminate all the chavs
1. Chapter 1

The Chavs Get Sorted By The Daleks

It is a bright sunny day and the chavs are going for a daliy walk and drinking session as they walk you can hear them say stupid things like "sorted" and "innit son" Passers by laugh at how pathetic they are. One chav complains about stomach pains and collapses on the floor in pain. An ambulance arrives on the scene, she is put on board. A paramedic asks her "have you had sex" she replies "umm me don't know" the man says "what do you mean you don't know? Idiot, oh wait you are a chav never mind then ". The man whispers quietly "I hate chavs they are such stupid losers". Several hours later one of the boys who was with the girl asked "where is da girl who waz with us? The other boy replies "what girl?'' Elsewhere a spaceship lands on Earth three Daleks leave the ship the Dalek in the centre says "we must exterminate all chavs, exterminate!!!!!!!!!". The three Daleks set off on they're mission.

Meanwhile at the hospital the girl has given birth and is wondering who the father is because she has slept with so many boys she is unsure which one it is. A red haired boy Charlie comes in to see her, as a chav they never think things through she tells Charlie ''You are the father!'' Charlie just stares blankly and replies '' Wot's a father?'' because his left when he was young. Elsewhere the Daleks find the chavs they are looking for. One chav says "all right son" to the Daleks. The Daleks are not amused and one says "I am not your son you freak, all chavs must be exterminated "the chav replies "why son " the Dalek replies "because chavs think they are class when they suck and because they can't speak proper English". The 3 Daleks scream "exterminate" and kill the chavs happily people nearby cheer as each chav is exterminated. One Dalek says "we really sorted them"

The Daleks fly to they're ship, they have returned to the ship so they can call for backup to help exterminate the chavs. One of the Daleks contacts they're leader the Master Dalek, he says to him "there are more chavs on Earth than we thought; we need reinforcements to help us destroy every single chav on Earth as quickly as possible". The Master Dalek says "very well I will send ten thousand units to destroy all the chavs on the planet on your signal". The Master Dalek pauses and then says "I have a special mission for you three I want you to exterminate the leader of the chavs".

Meanwhile the chavs on Earth are flocking to the leader for protection. At the local hospital the chav mother, father and baby are trying to figure out how to open the door to leave the hospital. The mother chav says "I can't remember how to open the thing in front of me" the father replies "perhaps the baby knows". They both look at the baby for guidance but receive none. After several hours of staring blankly at the door a man opens it for them and says "get the hell out of here you stupid idiotic chavs and don't come back".Meanwhile on the news a reporter is saying the daily headlines." And today's best headline is chavs everywhere are being killed by the Daleks, Billions of people around the world are throwing parties to celebrate this joyous occasion. Well all I got to say is go Daleks go the man begins dancing happily. Elsewhere the three Daleks have located the chav leader it turns out he is a Cyberchav. He become a Cyberchav after the Cybermen invaded Earth when they upgraded him he was too stupid to listen to orders so they left him. He became the leader because he is shiny and had an E grade in one of his GCSEs that good by chav standards. The Daleks approach the leader of the chavs, chavs around them look blankly at the Daleks one says "wow! Moving dustbins" one of the Daleks look at him and says "shut up u stupid chav exterminate!!!" The Dalek quickly kills him and moves towards the leader of the chavs. Unknown to the Daleks they are being watched from above by three mysterious figures. The leader looks at them and says "Orite my brothers the Dalek in the centre replies "we are in no way related to you stupid jerk". "My hommies why isn't u wearing your bling" the Dalek replies "what is this bling you speak of?" "You know bling bling" said the chav leader. "That doesn't answer my question, now you will be exterminated" said the Dalek as the Dalek says that the chav leader throws his chain at the Dalek and hit its eye piece it then says "my vision is impaired I cannot see". All the chavs around pounce on the Daleks and they are captured.

One of the Daleks sends out a distress signal which says they have been captured to the Dalek command ship. The Master Dalek receives it and says "save the Daleks we must before they are chavinated, quickly with all speed we must go to Earth". Back on earth, suddenly the three Daleks all say "elevate" and they all flew up and the chavs on top of them were thrown off. One of the Daleks says "how dare you touch us you complete and utter losers" As the Dalek says this, the three mysterious figures reveal themselves to be Cybermen. The Daleks see them and one of the Daleks says "oh great it's the Losermen" one of the Cybermen replies "we are not losers we rule" The Dalek replies "correct you rule at sucking" another Dalek says "ha ha you made a funny" The two other Daleks look at him and shake their heads and the Dalek looks down in shame. The Dalek then continues "why are you here". Meanwhile on the TARDIS the Doctor's assistant "says to him "Doctor the Daleks are killing all the chavs on Earth" he replies "so?" his assistant then says "aren't you going to do anything" he replied "why they are not doing anything wrong". Elsewhere the Chav mother and father are lost in the hospital car park and can find no way out even though there is a big exit sign with an arrow in front of them but they are too busy arguing with a bin which won't answer them and tell them the way out. You see chavs don't know that bins can't talk Jerks that they are. The chav mother says "tells us da way out or I will get my brothers, sisters cousins older brother to beat you up." They both look at the bin for the reply but are surprised to see they don't get one.

At the warehouse the Cyberman replies "We are here to upgrade every person on this planet". The Dalek then says "how are the chavs involved" the Cyberman replies "We are using the chavs to help us take over the planet because of their great numbers which are rising everyday and they are too stupid to question our authority". The Dalek replies "only one problem you have to beat us first". The Cyberman then says "we will delete you too easily". "No you will be exterminated!!!" The Cyberman replied "Chavs delete all the Daleks!" "Bring it on" said the Dalek. The three Daleks get ready for attack when suddenly there was a huge explosion and at that moment the Master Dalek and thousands of other Daleks all entered the warehouse. The Dalek in the centre of the three Daleks said "who called for help I didn't tell anyone to send the distress signal" another of the three Daleks said "well it wasn't me". The two Daleks both looked at the other one and shook their heads. He hung his eye piece in shame and said "sorry". "Never mind" said the Master Dalek. The Three Cybermen made a break for it but the Master Dalek blew all their heads off and they fell to the floor they screamed as they died. The Master Dalek then said "that gets rid of them losers now for the Chavs". He paused and then said "now is the time for us to finish our mission, Exterminate!!!!!!!!!!!" All ten thousand of the Daleks began exterminating all the chavs. The chav leader tries to escape but runs into a door and is knocked out.

Back at the car park the chav father say to the bin "that's it son fight me, come on then" he begins pushing the bin but is surprised it doesn't push back. He then says "let's find a place of sitting down us can" roughly translated to English he is saying let's find somewhere to sit down. Stupid chav can't speak English properly. They find a bench but they have forgotten how to sit down the Chav mother says "How do ya use dis thing. The father looks at her and says "who the hell r u".

Back at the warehouse all the chavs have been exterminated. The Master Dalek says "spread out around the world and exterminate every last chav leave none alive". All of the Daleks spread out around the world exterminating the chavs. One Dalek decides to visit Mc Donald's another Dalek asks him "why are u going in here" he replies "I have come to see an old friend". The Dalek looks around the restaurant and sees who he is looking for he says "there he is". The person he was looking for was Ronald Mc Donald. The Dalek said "time to die gay boy exterminate!" Ronald Mc Donald dies and makes a strange ooh sound as he dies. The other Dalek asks the Dalek "why did you kill him?" the Dalek replies "I just really don't like clowns and because of those dam ugly stripy socks".

Elsewhere two Daleks have found the mother and father chavs. They kill them and then they notice the baby and say "what of the baby" the other Dalek says "he is too young to be a chav we should take him to an orphanage, they do that and then report back to the Master Dalek. Outside the warehouse all the Daleks have returned they mission is completed every chav has been exterminated. Suddenly all the Daleks begin to dance in celebration to the song Firestarter. The Master Dalek says to the two Daleks who found the baby of the chavs. "This is a grand day the final end of the chavs". One of the Daleks then says "is it really what if the baby grows up to become a chav". The Master Dalek replies "that can't happen, won't happen, will it?"

The End

By Paul C


	2. The Chavs Get Sorted to the Daleks 2

The Chavs Get Sorted By The Daleks Part Two

19 years have passed since the Daleks exterminated all the chavs on Earth or so they thought unknown to them one survived, the chav leader he was just knocked out and none of the Daleks remembered to kill him. He kidnapped the baby of the two chavs who were killed from the orphanage and taught it the ways of the chav but the chav leader died on his 18th birthday, after he got run over by a ice cream man who swears it was an accident, even though he was heard saying "I finally got him ha ha ha ha". Now the baby of the chavs who is called Charlie after who we think was his dad has created a new army of chavs and the disease of chavs is spreading again unknown to the Daleks on Skaro……

On a street corner Charlie and about 5 other chavs are standing there, as you know chavs never travel alone because they are chickens and they might see someone who they want to jump, stab and mug as the wimps can't do it on they're own. The chavs are trying to light a cigarette but are too thick to realise that the reason it keeps going out is because the wind is blowing it out. Charlie says "y don't da fag say lit son, perhaps if I dip it in water it will light up.'' Another chav replies "go for it son it's got to work". Charlie dipped the fag in a nearby puddle and then tries lighting it but is surprised to find it won't light at all now.

Elsewhere on Skaro the Daleks are getting drunk and are having wild party. One of the Daleks says "I love to party" and then challenges another Dalek to a spinning competition he says "I bet I can beat you" the other Dalek says "bring it on then" both of the Daleks begin spinning. One says "victory will be mine". The other says I think I'm going to be sick" and then flies into a wall the other Dalek says "ha ha victory is mine" then his eye piece flies off and he screams "vision impaired vision impaired".  
Back at the street corner "that's it fag fight me son come on fight me" says Charlie one of the other chavs with him grabs the fag and eats it for some reason. Who knows why, who understands chav logic? Charlie then says "where my fag go son" to the boy who ate it. He replies "don't know son perhaps it run away". Charlie then replies "oh yeah y didn't I thought of that" stupid chav think not thought and y doesn't he know a fag can't run???

Meanwhile on a train there is a group of chavs with their mobile phones out listening to crappy chav music like Smack That by Akon and they keep repeating it over and over again. A nearby man can't take it anymore and decides to take action he gets up from his seat and grabs a nearby fire extinguisher he heads towards the chavs and says to them "I have had it with this damn lame pinky and perky sounding chav music now it's time for you to pay". The man begins bashing the chavs heads in with the fire extinguisher and says "how does it feel you jerks how do you like it huh how do you like it this is exactly what your crappy music is doing to my head". After bashing the chavs heads in the man sits down and everyone around him gives him applause for doing such a good deed.

Elsewhere on the planet Skaro the Daleks are relaxing, when suddenly the scanners at the command centre detect an armada of spaceships heading towards the planet, the Master Dalek says "who the hell can that be I was just about to make a cup of tea". The scanner detected about 2,500 ships hovering near the planet about 100 of then broke off from the rest and moved towards the planet. The 100 ships landed on the out skirts of the Dalek command centre and all 100 of them let down their ramps and the attackers were revealed as care bears. At the command centre the Master Dalek looks at the care bears and says "quickly exterminate them all before they hug us and try to make us care the little jerks that they are" All the Daleks on the planet moved towards the care bears and began exterminating them.

Meanwhile back on Earth at the back of a local school there is a chav and his friends smoking a cigarette. A teacher comes round the corner and the chav thinking he is being smart puts it is his pocket. The teacher looks at him and can see smoke coming out of his pocket. He smiles and decides to engage the chav in small talk knowing the cigarette is burning in his pocket. Suddenly after 5mins of talking to the teacher the chav yells in pain and throws the cigarette from his pocket , his trousers are now on fire and he is running around in circles yelling help me son help me, me on hot roughly translated I am on fire. While this is happening the teacher laughs to himself and walks away leaving the chav to burn.

Back on Skaro a Dalek is trying to shoot a care bear but it keeps dodging his gun fire the Dalek says "damn it stop moving you little jerk", after he says this the care bear hugs the Dalek and he screams "I am contaminated how dare you touch me ahhh" after spinning for a few seconds the Dalek self destructs taking the care bear with him. All around the planet care bears are being exterminated but there are a lot of them and it is going to take a while to exterminate them all.

At the local supermarket four chavs including Charlie are standing in the boys toilets thinking they are cool. One of them is playing with a tap thinking it's the most fantastic thing he has ever seen saying ohh as the water comes out and then goes when he turns the tap on and off. The tallest chav there asks one of the other chavs the time and he replies "Monday" the problem here is one he wanted to know the time not the day of the week and the chav has got the day of the week wrong to idiot. The chavs walk out of the toilet thinking they are so cool which is shown through the way they walk a nearby person looks at them and thinks four boys alone in a toilet, gay. Charlie has now been named new leader of the chavs due to the fact he beat up a 7 year old boy on his own which to chavs is very impressive because they never travel alone, losers that they are.

The guy from the train is out walking his dog when he sees a group of chavs he kneels down and tells the dog to go get them. After he says this the dog leaps at one of the chavs knocking him to the floor and begins mauling him, the chav screams "help I raped in being". Stupid chav doesn't know what rape is. The man from the train grabs his base ball bat and smacks one of the other chavs across the head with it and then begins beating him on the floor with it. As he is doing this the man says "how does it feel ha ha, not so big without your gang. A nearby police officer sees what is happening and says "take that you stupid chavs" and walks away. Later the dog and the man are given a medal for doing a good deed to the city.

Back on Skaro the cries of we care and exterminate can be heard throughout the planet. One care bear says to a Dalek "we are here to help we can help you care" the Dalek replies "please no, anything but that" the Dalek then hits the care bear across the head with his plunger knocking it out.  
At the command centre the Master Dalek summons the three Daleks who were originally sent to Earth to destroy the Chavs the first time round, he says to them "I have an important mission for you three, after viewing one of our monitoring satellites on the Earth one of our greatest enemies has returned" he pauses then speaks again "the chavs" one of the Dalek replies "how is this possible they were destroyed?". The Master Dalek answers "no idea but you must leave for Earth immediately". One of the Daleks replies "what about the care bear blockade around the planet?" the Master Dalek replies "you must go through them, the chav numbers are growing rapidly they must be stopped". The three Daleks left the command centre to get on the ship which was waiting for them.

The ship with the three Daleks on took off for Earth flying directly into the care bear blockade around the planet. A Dalek says "this is better than being stuck with those freaky little bears with them damn dark creepy eyes, it's like they are staring into your soul". The Dalek ship is being fired upon by the care bears warships which are shooting heart shaped laser bolts. The Dalek ship is dodging them by spinning and diving one of the Daleks inside says "I think I am going to be sick"  
Elsewhere on Earth a group of chavs are partying to Lily Allen's Smile outside the man from the train house seeing this he grabs his new steel pipe and phones all his nearby neighbours and tells them to attack the chavs with whatever they can find. One man jumps in his car and begins running chavs over while laughing. Another woman is hitting a chav across the head with a hot iron while another man is pouring boiling hot water on a chav's balls the chav screams "my arm is hurty".

In a field in Merthyr Tydfil (a chav paradise) there is a chav and his mate standing there with fishing rods fishing.(by the way there is no water or fish because it's a field) the chav says to his mate " not many fish biting today son" the other chav replies "I think cant y that is". Well chavs cant think so don't know why he's using that word. A near by girl with a football sees the chavs and decides to kick the ball at them she hits one in the head and he says "I think I got a bitey no wot that son hit me with a ball of foot. In English I think I got a bite no wait that girl hit me with a football. They both look at the girl and offer her to fight while walking away (probably to find the rest of their gang because they feel outnumbered).

Back outside the man from the train's house the people are winning their battle against the chavs and have heard of the massive gathering of the chavs and decided to get them.  
In the centre of the city Charlie and his chav followers have gathered to hold the biggest chav party ever to celebrate the return of the chavs. Charlie is brake dancing thinking he's cool while one of his mates is banging his head against a wall for some reason one of his friends asks what he is doing and he replies "dancing". Say nothing is best. Charlie stops dancing and says "that was the best shag I have ever had". Right….

At the centre of the city the man from the train and his dog have arrived with they gang of angry chav hating residents also the three Daleks have arrived. The three Daleks approach Charlie and the other chavs and one says " I see the chavs haven't changed still has pathetic as ever and look a new leader, well at least he looks smarter than that damn cyber chav leader". Charlie looks at the Daleks blankly and says "hey Bill, Jack and Tania, you are late hommies" the Dalek who was called Tania said "how dare you give me a women's name you wanker". The Dalek in the centre says "we are not the people you speak of you brainless fool cant you see that". "Ha ha sorted son" replied Charlie. The Dalek replied "nothing I said could institute that reply" he paused and then spoke again "anyway lets exterminate the chavs and get the hell out of here" after saying this penguins come from nowhere and start pecking chavs with their beaks and slapping them with their wings. The man from the train said "that's random".

One Dalek says "let's just do this". The three Daleks scream "exterminate" and begin flying around exterminating all the chavs. One of the Daleks accidentally flies into a nearby lamppost and spins through the air screaming, the other two look at him and shake their heads and carry on with the mission. While this is happening the man from the train leads his army to kill chavs with the aid of his dog.

A few minutes later the Daleks have exterminated all the chavs and have left Charlie till last, one of the Daleks says to him "it's your fault the disease of chavs returned if you hadn't survived we wouldn't have had to waste our time coming here first we will have some fun before you are exterminated", suddenly a random sheep comes out of nowhere and headbutts Charlie knocking him out and then the Daleks with the help from the man on the train put Charlie in a bin and roll him down a steep hill. After rolling Charlie down the hill several times the all three of the Daleks exterminate him. Then Daleks are about to head back to their ship to contact Skaro to call for help to get the rest of the chavs around the world when a portal opens up behind the Daleks sucking them in.

On Skaro the care bears have given up and ran away so the Master Dalek sends an army of Daleks to aid the extermination of chavs on Earth.  
Meanwhile the three Daleks have landed somewhere one of the Daleks says "sensors detect we are on Earth but a parallel one, oh no sensor also indicate there is chavs" one of the other Daleks asks "how many?" the Dalek replies "about six billion, the whole planet is occupied by chavs!" the other Dalek with them screams "why me!!!"

Back in our universe the Daleks have successfully exterminated all the chavs on Earth and are throwing a celebration party. Some Daleks are on stage performing Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance, while other Daleks are dancing and having drinking competitions. The Master Dalek realises the three Daleks aren't there and then thinks oh well and gets back to dancing.  
At last the chavs have been destroyed and the galaxy is a safer place except for the Daleks stuck in the parrael world, the Daleks mission is finally completed in our universe and they have finally sorted the chavs. But the Three Daleks fight goes on in the parallel universe unlucky for them.

The End

By Paul C


End file.
